One of my favorite things to do on a breezy 60 degree day is take a nap.
And the ability to do so in the middle of the day makes up for most of the things that suck about being a SAHM.
A year ago today I missed most of the beautiful things. A year ago today I struggled to manage a three-year-old, a newborn and a house under construction. A year ago today I was so angry and burnt and frustrated that I finally admitted it and wrote my first blog post, Waiting on Wednesdays.
I initially started blogging as a way to cope with my strong-willed child. At the time my blog was titled, Crocodiles, Bears and Foxes because ONE suffered severe night terrors that usually involved one of those animals.
And during the day her terrors turned into tantrums of such calamitous proportions that I wanted to feed her to the crocodiles, bears and foxes.
* * *
* * *
Life really can change in a year.
Though I didn’t notice when it happened, my will strengthened. And I’ve learned how to keep hers in check, while not squelching her spirit.
And TWO emerged with this great personality that really tied the room together.
And then I got pregnant with THREE, and lost her. Which gave me an understanding about my girls.
They weren’t MINE.
I didn’t make them.
I don’t own them.
They were a gift.
A gift that I won’t get to keep.
A gift that could be taken away from me at any time.
A gift that I will one day stand accountable for.
And a gift that I was taking for granted.
That changed everything.
It changed me.
Days of the week don’t matter anymore.
I mean, some days still suck. But other days, like today, are great.
Days when the windows are open and we have mid-afternoon slumber parties.
We whisper about Daddy and TWO and candy and stickers.
And then we tuck each other in.
ONE: Mama? I hope you live next door to me when I grow up.
ME: You want that? Really?
ONE: Yes. For all the days.
ME: I love you, Pea. I hope you don’t change your mind.
ONE: It won’t ever change, Mama.
How glad I am that I changed.
Or I might have missed out on one of the most beautiful things about being a mom.
.
.
©2009 CEK. All Rights Reserved. Touch my stuff and your ass is mine. Seriously.
Tags: blessings, perspective, temper tantrums
March 10, 2009 at 8:29 am |
this was beautiful. Your blog has become my morning cup of coffee. Can’t begin my day without reading it.
So true, that they are gifts, and we don’t own them. They come with their own personality, we can’t mold them. We should not try to do so.
I didn’t know about Three. Sorry to read that.
March 10, 2009 at 8:54 am |
G goes to school/daycare Mon and Wed. Having that time is so crucial to my sanity.
March 10, 2009 at 9:33 am |
I’ve only been part of the blogosphere for a few weeks, but reading your blog has become part of my morning routine also. I switch on my computer, go to your site, and nurse the baby while I read. When he’s really hungry, I delve into the archives.
I love reading quotes from your daughter. She’s so smart and has such a flair for the dramatic….she reminds me of a young Anne Shirley!
Congrats on your 1 year blogaversary!
March 10, 2009 at 9:38 am |
Thanks for the reminder of how the whining and tantrums really don’t matter. I was feeling sorry for myself this morning because I lost my patience with my son last night, and I haden’t even seen him in a few days (he was at his dad’s house). It’s the “Wuv you mommy!”, before he goes to sleep that makes it all worthwhile.
:):)
March 10, 2009 at 9:47 am |
I haven’t been reading for the full year, but I’ve been around long enough to have seen a subtle shift in your point of view. You seem less raw and more peaceful — less frustrated and more happy. And no you weren’t overly raw or frustrated to begin with (and who knows, maybe you just planted the idea in my head…).
Anyway, I’m glad you’re happy : )
March 10, 2009 at 9:50 am |
Miss D. is in “school” two mornings a week, something I did for myself and for her, but I always feel guilty about it by the time I drop her off. I’m just starting to realize how quickly she will grow up and away from me.
March 10, 2009 at 10:17 am |
Even on the days that are boring, frustrating, and lonely being a sahm rocks! I miss and long for those days and can’t wait to have them back. Something I’m sure I took for granted when I had it. I love the conversation you shared with your dd. How sweet is that! Congrats on one year of beautifully written, interesting, and hilarious posts! Do you have enough for a book yet??? LOL!
P.S. Yesterdays post made me laugh till I cried, then again when I read it to my dh, who I might add roared with laughter!!!
March 10, 2009 at 10:37 am |
Congrats on a year of this awesome blog, which, like your other readers, is essential to my morning. And I agree with Kathy B!. I think in some ways it does get easier as they get a little older, although in other ways it becomes more complicated. It helps that parenting is constantly allowing us to grow and change as people.
Your honesty is what makes this blog so beautiful. I love it. And thanks for this post, because I had a rough morning getting DD off to school. Afterwards I sat down and read this and kicked myself for how the morning went. I must make it up to her this afternoon.
March 10, 2009 at 10:45 am |
I wish there were words I could convey to you to let you know how proud I am of you. This might possibly be my favorite blog yet. I love reading about how things are going in your neck of the woods and your stories make my day. I have passed your link on to a few of my girlfriends who enjoy reading it as well.
March 10, 2009 at 10:47 am |
Too bad more guys, husbands, significant others etc., don’t get to read your blogs. It might help us understand the ups and downs you moms must navigate each hour of the day. You are one awesome writer and lady!!
March 10, 2009 at 11:11 am |
Lovely. As always.
March 10, 2009 at 2:31 pm |
I really loved that you said that they were’nt yours. When I pray, I really do sometimes, I thank God for the souls he has intrusted to me. Even though our children carry half of our genetic make up they also carry something even greater than we can ever hope to understand.
March 10, 2009 at 3:08 pm |
I agree that the kids are gifts and not something that we own. My Tooters was given to me by the Grace of God 7 years ago. This was such a blessing since a few doctors told me I would never have kids. It is posts like this that makes me appreciate the tantrums and giggles even more than I already do. You even brought a little tear to my eye. I love coming here everyday to check up on thing.s
March 10, 2009 at 4:59 pm |
Great post as usual. I’m glad your hitting your stride. You’re doing good, and that is so super sweet with ONE. Here’s to being the best mom and future mother-in-law and grandma!
March 10, 2009 at 5:00 pm |
There’s should’ve been a “you” in there. Lay off me. Evan and I are night battling again.
March 10, 2009 at 6:37 pm |
I wish there had been blogs like this when I was raising my two girls.
I was a SAHM before computers and laptops were in every household. My little girls are now 35 and 33. And I am now the working mother of a wonderful 10 yr old boy. (And grandma to one adorable grandson).
I believe that you are a support to all the SAHM and the working moms who follow you faithfully. It is encouraging to know that mom’s are out there supporting and loving each other as we all make the journey of parenthood together.
Your writing is gifted and thank you for continuing to share your talent with the world.
March 10, 2009 at 6:55 pm |
Conversations like the one at the bottom of your post just make being a mom totally worth any and every tantrum we have to endure. Thanks for sharing that CK, it totally made me smile
March 10, 2009 at 9:58 pm |
Being a mom is so cool and you make it sound that much cooler!
March 10, 2009 at 11:28 pm |
Good thing to know that if I become a SAHM, I can look back on your posts and thank god for not being the only one having those Bad Mommy Moments. (I anticipate many, many of those!) I only hope your posts will be in book form then.
March 11, 2009 at 12:46 am |
I think I’m stuck somewhere in between where you were then and where you are now. We have our 2 year old in “school” three days a week for the same reasons, I need a break from him and vice versa. He has learned so much there that I’m positive it’s for the best. Then we have a day where things just seem to flow and it makes everything worthwhile. Great post!
March 11, 2009 at 1:14 am |
I love that you said your afternoon nap makes up for all of the other stay at home mommy duties. I think it is my most loved part of the day!
Becca
Please visit me at http://www.askbecca.com
March 11, 2009 at 2:38 am |
“A gift that I won’t get to keep.” I never thought of that before, but it’s very true. And kind of sad.
What your daughter said about living next door to you when she grows up reminded me of what my daughter (age 9) said to me tonight. That she didn’t want to grow up because then she couldn’t live with me and she would miss me. Yeah, that kind of tugged at my heart.
March 11, 2009 at 6:57 am |
Thank you guys for all being so AWESOME. I love that you read my blog and relate and comment. (I’m a comment junkie so I love any/everything you guys have to say!)
I’m actually in the final stages of my book right now and preparing it to go into edit, so THANK YOU so much for the encouragement and support. It keeps me going.
March 11, 2009 at 8:05 am |
I think you should have to put up a disclaimer for all of us that are emotional wrecks. Your writing is so good it actually brings me to tears on a regular basis. Today it was b/c I was touched by your love for your girls, yesterday it was b/c you were touched (nearly) by Dear Sirs’s man pack. I’m gonna have to start reading your stuff midday b/c I can’t ride this emotional roller coaster so early in the am:)
March 11, 2009 at 8:07 am |
And you’re writing a book?! I’m so EXCITED! Why didn’t I know that already b/c I consider myself a top notch blogger stalker. Hmmmmm!!!
March 11, 2009 at 11:22 am |
happy anniversary. i can’t tell you how much i’ve enjoyed reading your daily blog over the past year. to the point that i actually have added it to my morning routine and am disappointed when I miss them. it’s a really interesting point, that they aren’t yours. I haven’t really considered that. I know my little s isn’t mine to keep and i try (even at 2) to let him live his own life as much as possible. and i think your girls will grow to be wonderful, self-assured and independent women because of your attitude about being their mother. they are 2 lucky little kids. love you!!!
March 11, 2009 at 11:24 pm |
Now I’m all mushy! I hope the Poose always wants Monny and Daddy right next door too. He’s starting preschool soon. Part of me is relieved because he’ll get all that edjamacation that I don’t get around to enough. Part of me is heartbroken because I feel like I’m taking away some of his babyhood by starting him in preschool at 3. It is a “real” preschool, Abeka curriculum and all.
March 11, 2009 at 11:35 pm |
i am so proud of you. i feel like we talked some around this period of time, you visited not too long after etc. i’m so glad to hear that you feel things have improved…i’m glad you are happy about your decision to stay home and be with the girls…i’ve had the same issues…as most of us do. but i feel like i’ve kind of watched this journey (not that it’s over!) and i’m glad to see some of the positives that have come out of it. i have to remind myself over and over and over that i need to treasure these moments and quit hurrying my boys to get their coats on, stop asking a million questions, and stop being a kid…before i know it they’ll have a girlffriend, a sport, a hundred other things…this is my time and i waste it every day.
March 13, 2009 at 9:17 pm |
wow, this really goes to the heart. I have those moments, too, with night terrors and a very high-spirited and way-too-smart-for-her-own-good little girl. For me, it’s the mornings that I treasure, when she is doe-eyed and innocent with her comments, and that is when I lay in bed next to her and hear her tell me how much she wants to live with me forever and how she has a secret, that she loves me with all of her heart. I am perpetually late by about 10 minutes to work (in a culture that abhors tardiness no less — Japan), but to me it is worth it to capture these little morsels for my soul. It helps me get through my days. Children truly are gifts to be cherished, crazy behavior and attitude and sweetness and light and all… (how boring would it be if my daughter listened to me all the time?? although I do dream… )
March 24, 2009 at 3:58 pm |
I am looking forward to the book!