why don’t friends with kids have time?
While I can’t wrap my head around the idea that Tacoma was sincere in her below question, if she was, I hope she gives birth to triplets.
Strong-willed ones.
And then has to stay home with them.
.
.
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November 17, 2008 at 10:47 am
Tacoma needs her ass kicked.
November 17, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Thank you for posting this!! When you first showed me this article, I remember thinking how perfectly she summed up life as a parent.
Regardless of how much you try to prepare, there is really no way to understand what it’s like to have a child and how much your life will change until you do (in fact, as pitiful/crazy as this may sound, I feel like my pre-munchkin life was an alternate universe). As for having a strong willed child, don’t even get me started on that…
November 17, 2008 at 6:15 pm
ok, first badmommymoments, remind me NEVER to read your post before I write my own because I get completely side tracked by the awesomeness of your own and my never write again.
And Tacoma is obviously one of those bitches that leers at you from another table as you try to keep both your kids entertained with the crayons and coloring papers instead of crying for food, crawling under the table, singing to the song on the radio, trying to have a sword fight with knives, trying to climb out of the high chair on to the table. She is also the bitch that has only nine things in her cart but rather than go through the self check is glaring at you because you have a weeks worth of food trying to keep a child in the cart and the other one from unwrapping all the candy in the check out aisle as you repeatedly say “don’t, no, stop it, stay sitting, no.”
I think to cure the Tacomas of the world, they need to spend ONE DAY, just one measily little day, with a mom of young children; we won’t force them to take the kids on their own. But they’ll see first hand how little another pair of hands actually helps. Hell, I’ll take her for a day! And it’s shit like this that pisses off all us stay-at-home moms. And if she was a real friend, she completely would understand. Like my best friend, who misses the days we would hang out until three in the morning, but is happy to help me with “our boys” as she calls them. I’m totally emailing her this.
November 17, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I am so grooving on Carolyn’s detailed resonse to Tacoma…though why do I have the feeling that Tacoma still won’t “get it”?
I had no idea before I had kids, either, how *incredibly hard* it is on so many levels. But one *can* be unfamiliar without being all Judge-y McJudger!
November 18, 2008 at 12:51 pm
first of all IS SHE SERIOUS!? i can’t even believe she had the nerve to publish that. i hope she gets trashbags of angry mail from now until 2010. but yes, what agreat response by this mom…i couldn’t have said it better at all. i almost got tears in my eyes thinking about the constant activity/vigilence/exhaustion etc that goes into our days. and yes, it IS my choice and it IS a joy, but geesh. i live in the constant fear that i will fall behind on simple chores and go headlong into the abiss. or that i will get a semi-serious illness, or break an arm and then WHO is going to do all this? but don’t expect her to get it…she CAN’T…it’s impossible. she has no idea how everything takes 20 times longer than it does without kids…i’m sure i didn’t either. love to all of you moms out there!
November 18, 2008 at 5:32 pm
I feel bad now… I was “Takoma.” She subbed out the word “wife” with “friend.” I was all, “why doesn’t my wife have time to hang out with me?”
November 19, 2008 at 8:31 am
Dear That Girl’s Trifling Father,
A suggestion: Perhaps if you cleaned the entire kitchen when you “helped out,” instead of ignoring the counters and leaving several miscellaneous things in the sink, including food that could have easily been stuffed down the disposal, you might free up some “hanging out” time that will instead be spent finishing the job you started.
Sincerely,
The Staff
November 21, 2008 at 10:56 am
hahahahahaha. Tears are coming to my eyes with the staffs response to ‘trifling.’ Can my husband PLEASE read this website and get off my butt when the house is not *SPARKLING*?
November 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Triplets would be letting her off easy. How about Triplets and a significant other who leaves it all to her to do? And an old baby bottle *hiding* that was still 1/2 full at it’s point of origin?
A single, male friend had the brass to tell me that *anyone* would be glad to just (JUST?) stay home with the children rather than going to work all day. He needs this article PLUS a big dose of reality. grrrr…
February 8, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I’m a single parent and when I am with my kid, my entire life takes a back seat. Everything takes forever to do. I agree, this gal “deserves” triplets.
February 13, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I always tell my hubby what’s it’s like and he doesn’t get it! He’s a great man don’t get me wrong, but he just doesn’t get it. NO one does until they do it. The state of california should give this lady the octouplets!!! Wow would she get it then. We might have to hear her complain from a mental institution, but she would get it!
February 14, 2009 at 2:25 am
This is why I love Bad Mommy Moments. I *just* got this article from a friend on facebook, and was all set to blog it. Nope, BMM has us covered. And has already cursed Tacoma with triplets, which should be due late this summer. Can’t wait to hear how she makes out. Runs screaming back to work and gets two nannies, undoubtedly.
Wild4Words, I cannot tell you how much of my previous-administration-hatred is now directed at your male colleague. May he father Tacoma’s children and get stuck with them when she runs away to Darkest Peru.
February 20, 2009 at 10:35 am
linked to this from my own blog .. truest kind of true! (says this father)
February 20, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Good reply, but she left out some critical information for Tacoma – she forgot to enlighten our deplorable inquirer about the one thing that I, as a mom of only one tiny child, have noted as the most valuable thing that I had taken for granted when I was not yet a mother; SLEEP.
Why, Tacoma wonders, would a parent, in comparison to busy little single Tacoma, be more exhausted and worn out than her? Besides the obvious answers, which were addressed in the article responding to Tacoma (and are remarkably obvious to those people who have any form of empathy and humanitarianism skills), is also the fact that people who are now parents no longer have the luxury of “sleeping in” on ANY day of the week – not days “off”, not on weekends. Never. And forget about “relaxing” and watching a movie when you get home!
Parents also do not have the luxury of coming home from a busy day at work – again I refer to Tacoma’s “9 hour, plus a few late work events,” which is the equivalent of the 14+ hour day of taking care of kids. No, I take that back… “14 plus” hours of being a constant parent is longer than Tacoma’s little 9-hour work day (oh, sorry, Tacoma, 9 hours plus those petty little late work events). Add all of Tacoma’s hours (with adult interaction) at work plus the little work events… still doesn’t add up to a parents’ load, time, lack of adult interaction, stamina, or the amazing realization that – on top of doing all these chores previously pointed out and still going on maybe a 5-hour-per-night after all the middle of the night wake-ups from the kids’, the parents still (may I quote you again, Tacoma?) “Manage to get it all done”.
I am not an at-home parent. I could not handle it; it was too much for me. My 12-hour work days back in my pre-child days… the days I thought I was “so busy” (like you Tacoma) – those were boundless days; limitless with time. Those “busy” days were NOTHING compared to having just one child. I don’t know how so many parents do it with more. And my respect and awe goes out to those of you who have the stamina to stay at home all day, every day, to raise our most precious assets; our futures.
I do not want to infer that I ever thought like Tacoma; however, I never imagined how intense and all-encompassing being a parent would be. I never realized that I’d have to learn to live; function and think, on only 5 hours of sleep each night and NOT be allowed to “catch up” on my rest when Friday or Saturday night drew near. I never realized that I’d have to learn how to constantly interact with and relate to a child, who could not reason, converse in an intelligent “adult” way, laugh at my jokes, tell jokes or stories, help me out in my bewilderment, or JUST SIT DOWN for a minute with me and have a drink. I did not realize that I would have to learn to eat only (and sometimes “if”) when my child took a nap. If he napped for 30-minutes, I did not realize how that time would be such an incredible, “long” break. 30 minutes in each day – that’s enough time to get a lot of dishes & bottles cleaned. If I hurried, I could even clean up the mess from the morning within that half hour!
Yes, Tacoma, an at-home parent has a lot more stamina than your single, childless, inexperienced little self will ever have – even with your “long” 9-hour day. Unlike these others who have responded to your absurd question and evident lack of morality, I do not wish any children upon you. I wish for a future filled with EDUCATED and enlightened children. Obviously, no child would receive any intellectual stimulation from someone who is dense enough to even wonder, much less inquire & publish a question such as why their “friend” has no time now that she is a parent.
March 5, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Thought you’d like to know this piece has traveled far and wide. It’s now four months after this initial posting, and my friends are still pasting this to FB as fast as their glittery, snot-covered, chipped nail little hands can.
This is so much better than the “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!”
June 20, 2009 at 7:12 pm
I can understand how parents are busy, but even single parents can find 1 minute in a week or two to return a phone call or make a phone call. Maybe that is what Tacoma means. Maybe her friend never makes any contact. Nobody, not even octomom, is soooooo busy that they can’t make a quick phone call or email. I think her friend probably just does not want to talk to her! Now I know some people are going to pull the “you must not have kids” card and you are correct I don’t. Most all of my friends have kids and have NEVER been like Tacoma’s friend. Even friends with multiples. For the record, I don’t have children of my own, but I was a single foster parent to two girls for a year, worked full time (as a special education teacher), and did my post graduate work at the same time. Always had some time to talk to my friends with kids.
August 31, 2009 at 6:45 am
Its worth reading…..
October 8, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Thanks Wendy. I agree
October 9, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Kids are work, but they grow up. Tacoma will still be working long after her friends kids have left home.