cyclical forgiveness

I started forgiving myself
A long time ago

I cried

Sickened with remorse

I addressed my apologies
Like a good recovering addict
Of bad decisions

But I still don’t know how
To separate myself

From the girl who stripped friendships
For their parts

Who didn’t want to be on the top
Or the bottom

Who was scared of all that was lost
Each time she came down

But did it again anyway

And again

And again

What if forgiveness isn’t enough?
What if it’s possible
To genetically pass down
Bad decision making?

…………………………..Really

………………………Bad

Decision making

The only thing worse than reliving
Myself each time I return home

Is the idea of reliving it

Through them.