the top 10 signs that you’ve been distracted

10 - You wrote an old co-worker an email after hearing that she had her wisdom teeth pulled. You sympathized by sharing an anecdote about how you looked like Eric Stoltz from Mask when you had your yours pulled freshman year.

She didn’t respond.

Two weeks passed. You obsessed and then finally checked your Outbox. Perhaps you suggested that she resembled Eric Stoltz and (understandably) pissed her off.

This is when you noticed that the email was still in your Draft box. Now it’s too late to send it and your great story died.

Alone.

9 – Your 3 year-old wrapped herself around your legs, looked longingly into your eyes and said, “Can I pleeeeeease have a bath tonight? Please?”

8 - You put off folding the laundry for so long that your entire family picked half of the clothes out of the baskets. The other half landed on the floor in the basement. You couldn’t tell what, if anything, was still clean. So you had to rewash it all. Plus all of the clothes that accumulated during the week. That left you with 7 loads of laundry to fold.

7 – You smiled and listened to your 3 year-old sing to her 11 month-old sister out on the porch. Awww…then they giggled. Hmmm…then they shrieked.

They finger painted each other with Desitin.

6 - The kids were cranky and you couldn’t find the milk. Or the meat. Or the cheese or fruit or…oh wait. You left the groceries in the car.

Three hours ago.

5 - Speaking of the car, it’s probably time you cleaned it out.  Here is what you found (in addition to the two big car seats, a double stroller, three empty Starbucks cups, two Horizon chocolate milk containers and a handful of gum wrappers that remained in the vehicle).

4 - You realized that it was quiet. And then you heard thumping on the floor above you. At first you wondered if the three-year-old was up from her nap. But the sound didn’t come from inside of her room. It came from…where’s the baby? You looked out on the porch. Nope. The dining room, living room, bathroom…the stairs.

She blew past you, crawled up two flights of stairs and attempted to break into her sleeping sister’s room. All in the time it took you to check your Inbox to see if your old co-worker responded to the email you actually sent this time.

3 - The last time you heard from the three year-old, she casually mentioned the potty. You remembered little else, so you investigated. The bathroom was empty; she was not there. But her shoes, socks, jeans, the running water and an unwound roll of toilet paper ballooning out of the toilet suggested that you just missed her.

2 - Your extremely stinky 11 month-old toddled up to you and handed you the object she dragged across three rooms.

A bag of diapers.

She lifted up her arms and chastised, “Mama!”

1 - Your dog rolled in something at the park. You chased her away from the scene but could not locate the object she attempted to perfume herself with. You removed her collar before entering the house. You felt something soft in your hand.

It was a dead mouse.

It was mangled in her collar and now it’s in your hand…

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©2008 CEK. All Rights Reserved. Touch my stuff and your ass is mine.

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