As I stood at the grocery store check-out line, I noticed that one of the crap magazines had the following headline: “Angelia Jolie Had Secret Tummy Tuck.” There were so many exclamation points that you’d think people were dying from it at an epidemic rate.
I’m guessing that the writer of this reputable rag is either 1) male and single, 2) male and divorced without kids, 3) male and married with no kids, or 4) a female who has never given birth and good for her.
I have not had a tummy tuck myself, but as a 5′2″ woman who birthed two 9lb children (not at the same time, THANK GOD) I can understand why someone might want to.
It was all fun and excitement at the start of the first pregnancy, aching for the moment when I finally looked pregnant. Taking all of those tummy pictures, many of which were me pushing out my stomach. But once I hit around 8 months I was no longer amused by how many bowls I could line up on my shelf. It became a race against time. Deliver the child before giving birth to stretch marks. And forget it with TWO. Nothing was cute. The stomach popped earlier, I looked more pregnant than I really was and out came the stretch marks.
But what no one ever prepared me for was what my stomach was going to look like AFTER expelling the child. The folks who have read my book have heard me refer to it as a partially deflated balloon filled with Playdoh. And that is what it was. So gross. They told me I’d look about 5 or 6 months pregnant when I left the hospital. Riiiiiiiight. It was closer to 8 months of sloped, heavy skin.
The skin only gets worse after you lose the weight. Sure you feel good to be back in your clothes and everything, but you might find that you still have all of this extra skin that simply has no where to go. The elasticity is gone. For awhile, I just tucked it into my jeans.
And now that I’m done having kids (really, I mean it this time) and am as close to the “before” as I’ll ever be, I still have some leftover skin. It looks a little like the top left corner of this hot air balloon.
NOW if I just gave birth to twins and had so much money that I gave millions away to charity on a regular basis, you’re damn right I’d get a tummy tuck. I’d deserve it. Hell, I think any mom deserves it if it makes her feel good. And why not suck out some of that extra “pregnancy” fat while they’re in there? It’s the least they can do for a woman who just signed away her right to selfishness.
Here is what I’d like to find in the black, nylon “goodie bag” the hospital discharges new moms with. Instead of extra diapers, several packets of rash cream, a flip-top wipe dispenser and a container of lactose free formula, I think they should provide optional tummy tucks, breast reconstructive vouchers, thigh cream (that works) and laser treatment for veins. Perhaps they could also throw in a bottle of flavored serotonin reuptake inhibitors, a monthly massage and cone-shaped ice packs for the poor nipples who prayed that the child was left at the hospital.
Just another reason why it’s nice to hide behind words and live a relatively invisible life. No one follows me around with a camera making public bets on whether I’m fat under my nursing shirt or it’s baggy because I’ve paid someone to remove my extra skin and realign my belly button.
Although my pride would totally dig a new profile…
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©2008 CEK. All Rights Reserved. Touch my stuff and your ass is mine. Seriously.
Tags: angelia jolie, celebrity moms, delivery, giving birth, plastic surgery, post pregnancy, pregnancy, tummy tucks
October 17, 2008 at 7:56 am |
Oh, I’m right there with ya! I’ve had three little girls and I fondly call my tummy a “muffin top.” Ugh! And yes, I do get jealous of seeing “Hollywood” moms who can afford tummy tucks – I’d love one. BUT, I wouldn’t trade all the loose skin in the world for my little girls & it sounds like you wouldn’t either. But, hey, if possible, I’m all for the new “hospital goodie bag!” LOL
October 17, 2008 at 9:30 am |
Right on. I mean, no comment…
I mean, great post!
October 17, 2008 at 9:46 am |
I had 2 c-sections, and my deflated hot-air balloon belly hangs over the scar like it’s depressed (or ashamed).
If I could afford it, I’d have everything put back where it started. I wouldn’t go back to no kids in exchange for the old body, but if I could have both, I’d totally do it.
October 17, 2008 at 10:42 am |
My daughter regularly “makes bread” with my stomach. I’m hoping the massages will bring down the extra french loaf I tote around.
October 17, 2008 at 11:16 am |
Oh yeah! I want one of those goodie bags right now!
October 17, 2008 at 3:34 pm |
First off, I love the new look of the blog; this is the most precious picture.
Second: I think you are so right about the good bags. My mom had three c-sections, so I grew up with her excuse of “they didn’t put things back right.” I was shocked to find I had the same stomach after 2 vaginal births! And here I was praying for a miracle in the form of sit-ups. This sucks.
And I pity celebrities, sure they can afford tummy tucks, but they are stalked and criticized for every move. Like I care if Angelina Jolie had tummy tuck; last I heard her carreer depends on it.
October 17, 2008 at 5:40 pm |
Oh, the rage I felt when I saw Angelina in that slinky dress only 10 weeks or so after having twins. Not fair. Genetics has to have something to do with it. Your hot air balloon pic is dead on – also another good analogy is crepe paper – you know for party decorations – except this kind is not so celebratory! Jacked up is all I can say….oh where, oh where did that flat, strong stomach go!
October 18, 2008 at 4:01 am |
Well said!
I’ve always felt I was much more attractive when I was pregnant (inflated) than when I was not pregnant (deflated) – that is why I had a third child. But what I didn’t factor in was how that third child would exponentially increase the size of what I call my “apron” – which has this uncomfortable way of moving a few seconds later the rest of me when I run. Nice!
October 18, 2008 at 11:25 pm |
while i can’t remember a time when i had that flat strong stomach except when lying down, it’s now worse than ever. i now live in spanx. that’s the poor-woman’s answer to a tummy tuck. lol
October 25, 2008 at 1:42 am |
Of course she had a tummy tuck! Have you ever looked closely at the stomach of a woman who gave birth to a child the same year? Let alone one who gave birth to twins, stretching the abdominal muscles even further?
Here is the reality: pregnancy stretches the rectus abdominus, which is a paired muscle that runs vertically from the pubic to torso region. These muscles are separated by a connective tissue (linea alba) that is stretched (sometimes split) in pregnancy. It does not return to former size, and therefore, the paired abdominal muscles are never pulled tight again. That is why all mothers have a protruding belly that won’t disappear, no matter how many crunches are piled on top the aerobic workouts!
TUMMY TUCK, or abdominoplasty, pulls the two paired rectus abdominus muscles back together. It also removes the sagging stretched skin, pulling down skin from the torso to create a new, smooth tummy (with new doctor made belly button to replace the post-pregnancy stretched belly button).
After birthing twins, there is absolutely NO WAY Angelina could have worn that skin tight dress UNLESS she had the abdominoplasty! Her abdominals were absolutely, totally flat … and that is humanly impossible for someone who just delivered a few months back!
BUT GOOD FOR HER FOR DOING WHAT WAS NECESSARY TO GET HER BODY BACK! It is a shame that so many women are forced to go through life feeling lousy about themselves due to the changed body of motherhood. Tummy tucks should be part of the birthing process. GYN doctors should be trained in the plastic surgeon methods of tightening the muscles and closing the wound. Mothers should be returned to their former physical self.
After having two children, I returned to my exercise routine of running 5 miles a day, along with weights, pilates, crunches, etc. After ten years, I realized the ‘mommy tummy’ was never going to respond to exercise. I saved for three years money to afford the tummy tuck. WOW was I happy! I had my flat tummy back again and immediately felt like myself again!
It is terrible that people hide this operation, equating it to vanity. It’s not. Correcting the abdominal muscles not only affects a woman’s sense of identity, but also her self-esteem, and her physical health. Sagging stretched abdominal muscles puts heavy strain on the back muscles, while also leaving little support for the interior organs. Woman should talk openly about it, letting other women know that this is an outcome of pregnancy. The majority of women DON’T know. They become frustrated and eventually give up on trying to look like their former selves. If they KNEW, if they were allowed the corrective surgery as part of the birthing process (once done bearing children), more women would continue lifelong exercise. I already explained to my daughter that this is something she’ll need to have done someday. And I told my son to make sure he allows his wife to have this operation!
Unfortunately, medical treatment is still based on male definitions of ‘necessary’. If men also endured changed body figuration due to parenthood, we’d have had plastic surgeons in the birthing rooms long ago!
October 27, 2008 at 12:43 pm |
I completely agree!! I’m all for plastic surgery after childbirth (or in general) if it will make you feel better about yourself. I think it was Joan Rivers (disclaimer: I don’t advocate that amount of plastic surgery!!) who said “we take care of, maintain and fix our houses, cars, etc. What’s wrong with doing the same for our bodies?”
March 27, 2009 at 9:50 pm |
Im a mother of two and I am so for “fixing it up”. Of course my children are the most important people in my life… I mean they come before me! But when it comes to me and the way I feel about me(self-esteem)… The tummy tuck would make me feel sooooooooo much better about me!
I am 5 ft 3 in about 120 pounds with a stomach that resembles a brain… Im not kidding a brain… I take good care of myself but no matter what the stomach is here to stay… so I have saved my money and now I have found the perfect surgeon for me and I’m going through with it!!!!! If you can afford the surgery and ensure your health is not in jepordy… go for it! Stop complaining and do it! Save your money and be happy about YOU!