one step back

sometimes sadness is heavy

like a room filled with cigar smoke

sometimes sadness is numbing

like sitting on your feet for too long

sometimes sadness is cold

like when your cube is located under an air vent that no one has the controls to

sometimes sadness is claustrophobic

like an acid trip and a never-ending grocery store aisle

sometimes sadness is lonely

there’s only a small window to talk about it and then no one really wants to hear about it anymore

sometimes sadness is boring

there’s only so many things in your house to stare at and so many times you can rehash the same situation before you realize that you stopped listening to your own thoughts

sometimes sadness is as flat as the concept of “getting back to normal”

what does that mean, anyway?

sometimes sadness is redundant

when

will

i

stop

thinking

about

the

baby

i’ll

never

get

to

hold?

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©2008 CEK. All Rights Reserved. Touch my stuff and your ass is mine. Seriously.
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6 Responses to “one step back”

  1. wiredtoinspire Says:

    I hope you’ll find healing. This expression is very powerful, and I’m sure the path isn’t easy. My Sister has lost two, and we have all grieved, but I know I can never enter into her struggle in the fullness of what she’s feeling. Thank you for reminding me to not be distant, even when I don’t quite know what to say.

  2. To be cliche….time. To be realistic….never. But there is no time limit for grief. Vent to me anytime you need to. You are loved.

  3. evenshine Says:

    *Is* there normal after an experience like this? My mother lost one and has never forgotten. Remembering is a tribute, too. Blessings.

  4. Not to sound preachy (and if I do, remember the Birds sang it):
    There is an appointed time for everything,
    and a time for every affair under the/ heavens.
    . . . .
    A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
    a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (Eccl 3:1, 4)

    It’s ok to be sad. When the time is right you’ll move on; you’re doing the best you can, living life.

  5. There will always, at the least, be your blog readers who will be willing to read your writing about it. Please keep writing what you feel, whenever you feel it; the “mommy blogging” community isn’t just about happiness and funnies, it’s an all-encompassing embrace of the path of life we share with one another, in all its ups and downs.

  6. I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss. Your poem is deeply moving.

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