have a new kid by friday – (monday)

I caught Dr. Kevin Leman on the radio the other day sharing parenting tips from his book, Have a New Kid By Friday. Ever the skeptic, I scoffed at his crusty humor and the title of his book. LAME. And then I realized that I could do this stuff. And if it didn’t work, no one (but me) would know that I even tried.

I was quite surprised to find that my daughter responded immediately (when I was able to remain consistent), and we’ve gotten closer because of it.

I’m sure the book says it better, but here’s a compiled transcript of the radio programs for those of you, like me, who don’t have the time to read a book.

Below is the top ten overview of the program, followed by a more in-depth analysis of what Leman says a parent should do on Monday.

10 – Be 100% consistent

9 – Always follow through on what you say you’re going to do

8 – Respond, rather than react

7 – Count to 10, or whatever you have to do, to ask yourself, “What would your old self do, what’s the new self going to do different?”

6 – NEVER threaten your kids: it never works, don’t ever do it

5 -  Don’t get angry, learn to apologize

4 – There are NO WARNINGS in this system; warnings are disrespectful acts

3 – Ask yourself, “Whose problem is this? Don’t own what isn’t yours.” (The example he gives for this is an older kid who suddenly remembers that a project they “forgot all about” is due the next day. He says the parent should not get involved, not take on their kid’s problem to keep them from getting in trouble. Basically telling them, “Honey, I’m sure you can handle it.” Then turning and walking away. Leaving it up to them to deal with.

2 – Don’t think misbehavior will go away. It’s stupid to think that, it will never go away on its own. Deal with it as it comes and don’t make excuses for the child.

1 – Keep a happy face on. Realize you’ll get another shot at this; it’s just a small ripple in life.

MONDAY: REALISTIC DISCIPLINE

The gist of this section is not battling with your kids. Don’t argue with them. Instead, walk away from the argument, which he says will more successfully get their attention. The goal is not to focus on creating a happy child at every turn because sometimes a kid needs to be unhappy. This is how they learn.

His example:

A mother drives her preschooler home from school. He decides he wants a treat from one of the stores they pass. She says no. He throws a huge fit that only escalates as they continue their drive.

Leman advises the mom in this story not to say anything. Not to acknowledge the temper tantrum. Get home, take the child out of the car and lead him into the house, silently.

Now the preschooler is home and wants a snack. Usually gets something like cookies. Mom gets busy in kitchen. The kid eyes the room, sees no snack and demands, “Mommy, where’s my snack?” Mom (matter of fact), “We’re not having a snack.”

Leman says the key to this is that SHE SAYS IT ONCE, TURNS HER BACK, AND WALKS AWAY.

He follows her, incessantly chanting. She turns back again and says once, “I told you, not today.” Child freaks out. His heart is open. Here is the teachable moment.

Mom, “We’re not having chocolate chip cookies, I don’t like the way you talked to me in the car today.” At this point most toddlers would have a meltdown, cry, apologize.

Leman says the mother should love on him, reassure him, but underscore that she never want to be spoken to like this again.

What happens next? When he gets his act together, calms down and is sweet again, he asks again if he can have the snack, now that he’s being good and has apologized. AND THE ANSWER IS STILL NO. It’s profoundly important for the child to learn that mommy is to be respected.

Leman calls this “Reality Discipline.” He says it might sound harsh, but it gets their attention.

About Dr. Leman (crusty website, you need to click on “About Dr. Leman” on the bottom left of the page.)

Radio Program (part 1 of 3)

Go to:

Tuesday’s Recap

Wednesday’s Recap

Thursday’s Recap

Tags: child psychology, focus on the family, God, have a new kid by friday, parenting tips, radio, self-help, spirituality